So...we are having another boy!! Danny and I couldn't be more excited, and more blessed. We have since decided to name our new little son Seth Tobin Steinhaus. "Seth" means "appointed" or "appointed by God" and holds special meaning as it was the name of the son given to Adam and Eve after Cain killed Abel. "Tobin" means "God is good" or "God is gracious", which is the testimony of this child, after seeing the Lord's incredible work this year through Jace. So almost two years of marriage has given us two sons...Jace and Seth. Through all the trials of this past year, the Lord has brought us through it with abundant blessings.
Danny and I often talk about how neat it will be to tell little Seth about his older brother, Jace. At a very young age, Seth will be able to see that life is not easy, but that God is still always incredibly good. He will look at pictures of his brother and we can tell him that blessings come out of brokenness.
We have really been able to enjoy this pregnancy. Putting together our baby registry has been a blast. Seth reminds me of his existence constantly each day as he grows stronger...proving to be quite an opinionated little boy with all of his kicks and punches. Seth, we can't wait for you to get here!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Yet another long stretch of time has gone by, and little writing has been done on my part. To be truthful, for some reason I found it easier to blog when our little Jace was here. Since he left us, it's been hard for me to form words on paper. However, God has indeed given us another little blessing to write about...the purpose of this new posting.
This Monday, October 27th, we found out that Jace is going to have a little brother!! Our new son is due next March 28th, 2009. How amazing, and certainly not coincidental, that our second son is due exactly one day before Jace was due this year. I know that, along with so many other things, God is using the timing of this pregnancy, as well as the reality of another son, to show us His faithfulness amidst sorrow. Again and again with this second pregnancy, both Danny and I are reminded that "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away," and that even though God took our first son to be with Him, He has given us another son, strong and healthy, to comfort us in our sorrow.
A few months after Jace died, I was praying and driving at the same time. Looking up, I saw the most beautiful rainbow in front of me. I remember distinctly hearing the Lord say to me, "This is my promise to you, my child, just as I made a promise to Noah, that I will never take another child from you." Amidst tears, I told the Lord that I didn't deserve His goodness, and He replied to me that "also just as I blessed Job twofold after taking away everything he had, so will I also bless you and Danny twofold after taking your first son away." I know that God is faithful to His promises. I have seen this over and over again. So I need not fear about losing another child, and as to the years ahead...I know the Lord's hand is on them!
But back to Monday and the ultrasound of our new son. We ended up going in to see Dr. Hare, the specialist who delivered Jace, to perform the ultrasound. Although I am going back to my original OBGYN for this pregnancy, Dr. Mata recommended that we have Dr. Hare do our ultrasound, just to make sure everything was okay. Although Danny and I were reluctant to go back to Dr. Hare because of so many bad associations and memories, we conceded and made the appointment with her. This past Monday rolled around and both Danny and I were nervous, actually, I was scared to death. Doubts and fears poured into my mind, as I prayed for a healthy baby. I knew the Lord had promised us the health of this child, but once again, I gave way to fear. The ultrasound went wonderfully. Dr. Hare was relaxed and friendly; after scanning the baby she said, "I want to tell you first off that the baby looks healthy and normal." We breathed a sigh of relief, and once again, I asked the Lord's forgiveness for doubting Him. Dr. Hare proceeded to show us that we were having another son, and that everything looked great. He's a big baby, this time around, and very active. Already I can feel him moving quite often. We are going back in for a follow-up ultrasound on December 18th. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness to us once again, and praise His name for this new child.
Danny and I are excited, and I believe, humbled, as we look towards March and the birth of our little one. We have learned, amidst so many other lessons, to appreciate everything given to us. I hope that we do not take this child for granted. Our desire is to cherish every moment...and to make the most of the time we are given.
Thank you all for your prayers! I hope to see many of you at the upcoming baby shower next year (date and time have not yet been decided.) :)
This Monday, October 27th, we found out that Jace is going to have a little brother!! Our new son is due next March 28th, 2009. How amazing, and certainly not coincidental, that our second son is due exactly one day before Jace was due this year. I know that, along with so many other things, God is using the timing of this pregnancy, as well as the reality of another son, to show us His faithfulness amidst sorrow. Again and again with this second pregnancy, both Danny and I are reminded that "the Lord gives and the Lord takes away," and that even though God took our first son to be with Him, He has given us another son, strong and healthy, to comfort us in our sorrow.
A few months after Jace died, I was praying and driving at the same time. Looking up, I saw the most beautiful rainbow in front of me. I remember distinctly hearing the Lord say to me, "This is my promise to you, my child, just as I made a promise to Noah, that I will never take another child from you." Amidst tears, I told the Lord that I didn't deserve His goodness, and He replied to me that "also just as I blessed Job twofold after taking away everything he had, so will I also bless you and Danny twofold after taking your first son away." I know that God is faithful to His promises. I have seen this over and over again. So I need not fear about losing another child, and as to the years ahead...I know the Lord's hand is on them!
But back to Monday and the ultrasound of our new son. We ended up going in to see Dr. Hare, the specialist who delivered Jace, to perform the ultrasound. Although I am going back to my original OBGYN for this pregnancy, Dr. Mata recommended that we have Dr. Hare do our ultrasound, just to make sure everything was okay. Although Danny and I were reluctant to go back to Dr. Hare because of so many bad associations and memories, we conceded and made the appointment with her. This past Monday rolled around and both Danny and I were nervous, actually, I was scared to death. Doubts and fears poured into my mind, as I prayed for a healthy baby. I knew the Lord had promised us the health of this child, but once again, I gave way to fear. The ultrasound went wonderfully. Dr. Hare was relaxed and friendly; after scanning the baby she said, "I want to tell you first off that the baby looks healthy and normal." We breathed a sigh of relief, and once again, I asked the Lord's forgiveness for doubting Him. Dr. Hare proceeded to show us that we were having another son, and that everything looked great. He's a big baby, this time around, and very active. Already I can feel him moving quite often. We are going back in for a follow-up ultrasound on December 18th. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness to us once again, and praise His name for this new child.
Danny and I are excited, and I believe, humbled, as we look towards March and the birth of our little one. We have learned, amidst so many other lessons, to appreciate everything given to us. I hope that we do not take this child for granted. Our desire is to cherish every moment...and to make the most of the time we are given.
Thank you all for your prayers! I hope to see many of you at the upcoming baby shower next year (date and time have not yet been decided.) :)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
You all have potentially given up reading this blog, as my posting as of late has been almost non-existent. Except for the usual business of life, there really is nothing keeping me from posting...honestly, I think the fact that my Jace is no longer with me keeps me away from typing at times, because when I started this blog page he was still here.
God is so incredibly faithful! Through this whole journey He has never ceased to reveal to us His presence, His love, and His sustaining grace. My heart still aches for my little man Jace, but with the ache is also a contentment and an understanding. I know he is in such a better place, and I also know that this whole circumstance has been for the glory of our Lord as well as for our growth as His people. I no longer ask why because I know why. I can see the work the Lord continues to do through little Jace. If I ever doubted that the Lord works all things for good for those who love Him, I can certainly not doubt it now. Although I miss my baby, I wouldn't trade this experience...I am a new person, and my perspective on life and on my relationship with my Creator has done a complete 180. I realize now so clearly what it means to "take up my cross and follow the Lord." It's not meant to be easy...but it is meant to be filled with grace and love, no matter how hard we fall or how much we bleed in the process. The pain in this life only makes the glory of heaven more desirable. Jace...how blessed you are my little son to be missing this life for the constant presence and glory of the Lord!!
The real purpose of this blog entry today is to tell you all a story that has been a long time coming. As you might or might not know, I am almost ten weeks pregnant with our second little blessing. Yes, you might cry, as I do almost every day, realizing once again how amazing our God is. Perhaps the story of this second pregnancy will increase your faith almost as much as it has increased that of myself and my husband.
Two weeks before Jace died, I was praying about more children, simply asking the Lord whether or not He was going to bless us again. I felt very clearly the Lord tell me that I would get pregnant again soon after Jace died. At the time, of course, this was almost a devastating answer, because I didn't want to say goodbye to my little man. Well, early in July I started to have slight pregnancy symptoms. Towards the middle of the month I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember very clearly looking at the test, comprehending that it was negative, and asking God why. All of a sudden, I heard His very clear response: "Would you still believe that you are pregnant even with a negative pregnancy test? Would you completely rely on my promise to you instead of trying to rely on man-made mechanisms?" My response, of course, to my Lord, was, "no, I need proof with a pregnancy test." So a few days later I took another test with the same negative result, again hearing the Lord tell me that the test would not be positive as He wanted me to believe that I was pregnant without it.
Completely torn up, I spent several days struggling with the Lord, demanding proof, and failing to get any. To top it off, every devotional that I read for that entire week talked of faith and how true faith is relying on God's faithfulness and promises even when everything points against it. Finally, I gave up. "Okay Lord, I'm going to take this step of faith with you. I'm going to try to believe that I'm pregnant, even without a positive pregnancy test result." The very next day I woke up extremely nauseous, with all the pregnancy symptoms in full force. The Lord was certainly helping me out with my faith. A few days later my husband Danny told me that he really felt we needed to tell our families before we got a confirmation from a doctor. So we proceeded to take that step of faith, telling our families that we believed we were pregnant, even with a negative pregnancy test. After several long weeks of faith, and after telling numerous friends of the pregnancy, I finally got into a doctor last week. Yes, there on the ultrasound was a beautifully formed little baby...confirmation and "proof" in the medical sense of the term of God's faithfulness and love. I wish I could say that I will never doubt my Lord again, but I know my sinful heart. However, our faith has certainly grown through realizing that the Lord makes promises to His people that He never breaks. If we rely on these promises, we don't have to fear.
I pray that this story reveals to you the importance of listening to the guidance and direction of our Lord, as well as following His direction no matter what the cost. In risking seeming ridiculous to friends and family, Danny and I took a step of faith that ultimately has brought more glory to the Lord than if we had succumbed to fear and had decided not to tell anyone of our pregnancy until after we got medical "proof." Although it wasn't easy, and I cried and fought the whole time, I praise the Lord every day for glorifying His name already through the life of our new little one.
God is so incredibly faithful! Through this whole journey He has never ceased to reveal to us His presence, His love, and His sustaining grace. My heart still aches for my little man Jace, but with the ache is also a contentment and an understanding. I know he is in such a better place, and I also know that this whole circumstance has been for the glory of our Lord as well as for our growth as His people. I no longer ask why because I know why. I can see the work the Lord continues to do through little Jace. If I ever doubted that the Lord works all things for good for those who love Him, I can certainly not doubt it now. Although I miss my baby, I wouldn't trade this experience...I am a new person, and my perspective on life and on my relationship with my Creator has done a complete 180. I realize now so clearly what it means to "take up my cross and follow the Lord." It's not meant to be easy...but it is meant to be filled with grace and love, no matter how hard we fall or how much we bleed in the process. The pain in this life only makes the glory of heaven more desirable. Jace...how blessed you are my little son to be missing this life for the constant presence and glory of the Lord!!
The real purpose of this blog entry today is to tell you all a story that has been a long time coming. As you might or might not know, I am almost ten weeks pregnant with our second little blessing. Yes, you might cry, as I do almost every day, realizing once again how amazing our God is. Perhaps the story of this second pregnancy will increase your faith almost as much as it has increased that of myself and my husband.
Two weeks before Jace died, I was praying about more children, simply asking the Lord whether or not He was going to bless us again. I felt very clearly the Lord tell me that I would get pregnant again soon after Jace died. At the time, of course, this was almost a devastating answer, because I didn't want to say goodbye to my little man. Well, early in July I started to have slight pregnancy symptoms. Towards the middle of the month I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember very clearly looking at the test, comprehending that it was negative, and asking God why. All of a sudden, I heard His very clear response: "Would you still believe that you are pregnant even with a negative pregnancy test? Would you completely rely on my promise to you instead of trying to rely on man-made mechanisms?" My response, of course, to my Lord, was, "no, I need proof with a pregnancy test." So a few days later I took another test with the same negative result, again hearing the Lord tell me that the test would not be positive as He wanted me to believe that I was pregnant without it.
Completely torn up, I spent several days struggling with the Lord, demanding proof, and failing to get any. To top it off, every devotional that I read for that entire week talked of faith and how true faith is relying on God's faithfulness and promises even when everything points against it. Finally, I gave up. "Okay Lord, I'm going to take this step of faith with you. I'm going to try to believe that I'm pregnant, even without a positive pregnancy test result." The very next day I woke up extremely nauseous, with all the pregnancy symptoms in full force. The Lord was certainly helping me out with my faith. A few days later my husband Danny told me that he really felt we needed to tell our families before we got a confirmation from a doctor. So we proceeded to take that step of faith, telling our families that we believed we were pregnant, even with a negative pregnancy test. After several long weeks of faith, and after telling numerous friends of the pregnancy, I finally got into a doctor last week. Yes, there on the ultrasound was a beautifully formed little baby...confirmation and "proof" in the medical sense of the term of God's faithfulness and love. I wish I could say that I will never doubt my Lord again, but I know my sinful heart. However, our faith has certainly grown through realizing that the Lord makes promises to His people that He never breaks. If we rely on these promises, we don't have to fear.
I pray that this story reveals to you the importance of listening to the guidance and direction of our Lord, as well as following His direction no matter what the cost. In risking seeming ridiculous to friends and family, Danny and I took a step of faith that ultimately has brought more glory to the Lord than if we had succumbed to fear and had decided not to tell anyone of our pregnancy until after we got medical "proof." Although it wasn't easy, and I cried and fought the whole time, I praise the Lord every day for glorifying His name already through the life of our new little one.
Monday, August 4, 2008
To all our dear readers and prayer warriors: I wanted to let you all know of an upcoming event that is being organized by my brother, Sean Hart, and my parents, Barry and Kathy Hart. The event is a Run/Walk on September 6, 2008. Not only will we be celebrating the life of Jace at this event, but we will also be supporting an organization called Living Alternatives, a Christian ministry that provides "alternatives" for women seeking help with unplanned pregnancies and possibly looking at abortion. To find out more about the race, as well as to register, please go to www.jacersracers.com. It would be so great to see you all there!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Reading in "Streams of the Desert" this morning, I came across a story in the devotional about the different types of faith, as demonstrated by 3 different women. The woman who showed the most faith got the least attention from God, but this is what God says about her:
"Yet the 3rd woman whom I seemed not to notice and even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holiest of services. She knows me so intimately and trusts in me so completely that she no longer depends on my voice, loving glances, or other outward appearances to know of my approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts me when common sense, reason, and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later. My love is silent because I love beyond the power of words to express it and beyond the understanding of the human heart. Also, My love is silent for your sakes--that you may learn to love and trust Me with pure, spirit-taught, spontaneous responses. I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external."
Today is exactly one month from the day our little Jace said goodbye to us and hello to Jesus. This past month has been filled with grief, emptiness, loss, doubt, and yet even through all that, an understanding and knowledge of a deeper love than I had ever imagined. I might have and still be questioning God, but I am not left in any doubt of the purpose and plan God had in Jace's life and then also in his death. It has been and continues to be a harder journey than I ever imagined encountering. Even so, I know God has and continues to give me the strength to face every circumstance, no matter what, with joy and reliance on Him.
I am beginning to realize that our journey with Jace is not over, rather, it is only just beginning--the start of a journey of unknowns that is always preparing us for eternity. I know that I don't have the unquestioning and unwavering faith of the woman mentioned in the first part of this entry. However, I want to have that kind of faith and I know it will take God working on me to get it.
My heart still aches for my little Jace--I don't think the ache will ever go away. Danny and I both miss the baby voice filling the apartment. I know that the emptiness, as well as everything else, is in God's hands.
"Yet the 3rd woman whom I seemed not to notice and even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holiest of services. She knows me so intimately and trusts in me so completely that she no longer depends on my voice, loving glances, or other outward appearances to know of my approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts me when common sense, reason, and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later. My love is silent because I love beyond the power of words to express it and beyond the understanding of the human heart. Also, My love is silent for your sakes--that you may learn to love and trust Me with pure, spirit-taught, spontaneous responses. I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external."
Today is exactly one month from the day our little Jace said goodbye to us and hello to Jesus. This past month has been filled with grief, emptiness, loss, doubt, and yet even through all that, an understanding and knowledge of a deeper love than I had ever imagined. I might have and still be questioning God, but I am not left in any doubt of the purpose and plan God had in Jace's life and then also in his death. It has been and continues to be a harder journey than I ever imagined encountering. Even so, I know God has and continues to give me the strength to face every circumstance, no matter what, with joy and reliance on Him.
I am beginning to realize that our journey with Jace is not over, rather, it is only just beginning--the start of a journey of unknowns that is always preparing us for eternity. I know that I don't have the unquestioning and unwavering faith of the woman mentioned in the first part of this entry. However, I want to have that kind of faith and I know it will take God working on me to get it.
My heart still aches for my little Jace--I don't think the ache will ever go away. Danny and I both miss the baby voice filling the apartment. I know that the emptiness, as well as everything else, is in God's hands.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)